I pay for everything because my husband spends his benefits on cigarettes

DEAR DEIDRE: I received a Valentine’s Day card from my husband this year. . . but only because I’ve been feeling so depressed lately. And I still had to pay myself.

I took care of him, his son and his parents for ten years. He was a widower at 35 but he is now 48. I am 45 years old.


I don’t have money for treats because I pay the bills – but he spends his benefits on himself

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He was taking care of his son, so I accepted that he couldn’t work. Now he says he has a “back problem”, so I finance everything.

I don’t have money for treats because I pay the bills and buy the food.

He spends his profits on himself, is at the betting shop at least twice a week, and if he has no money for fags, he asks me.

My job is stressful and while other colleagues were on leave, I had to work throughout.

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I am so tired. I feel old and tired.

My husband then asked me for money for a card because he feels sorry for me – yet he is half the problem.

DEIDRE SAYS: If he has back problems, explain in a quiet moment that you are worried. He might get help from his GP and might be able to get treatment.

If he has the energy to bet and watch the race or football, talk to him about getting a part-time job. Keep in mind that he may have lost his confidence.

Tell him that you can’t keep funding everything and that you need him to contribute.

My Help For Job Hunters Support Pack will help you.

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